Most of us at one point or another in our careers feel under-appreciated, like the boss does not really see all the wonderful things we do, like the team takes us for granted, unloved, under-paid, etc. Human beings have ups and downs, of course, and it’s always hard to qualify these feelings. So, what can you do to be more confident when making such a key decision?
One simple way is to find someone you trust who as far as you can tell either has your best interests at heart or is a neutral third party who can listen to the evidence and give you an honest opinion. You remember the story of Diogenes walking through Athens with a lantern… looking for an honest man? Sometimes it can be hard to find someone you really trust.
In general, though, most such decisions (to stay or go) are actually driven by the very fundamental balancing of the three drives allegedly underlying most human (and in fact, vertebrate) behavior. Daniel Goleman in his seminal work “Emotional Intelligence” paints a simplified picture of how the limbic system (our primordial emotional guidance system) grew out of our sense of smell and therefore addresses such decisions at a very basic level. Can I eat it, mate with it, or should I run away? In other words, gratification, dominance, or safety.
We all come to the world with a basic set of behavioral inclinations that are then affected by our experience.
But your life circumstances are also key. We all go through stages. Sometimes gratification is key (new car, new love, gourmet meal, etc.). While at other times we realize that safety is key and begin to fund that nest egg. At other times we want to tell someone or the world in general to “go to hell,” an expression of our need for dominance. Which impulse should you follow?
Where are you now and what are your medium terms goals? That is the key question you need to ask yourself when you feel that “Should I stay, or should I go?” question stirring in your bowels. Can I afford to drop everything and change horses? Will the pastures really be greener when I do?
Again, at the Barrett Group we use a simple Diamond Map instrument to help our clients during the Targeting stage (the Clarity Program©). Our five-stage career change process begins with clarifying where our clients are now and where they might like to be in 12 months. Our four fundamental questions relate to finances, career, health, and relationships. The result is not really scientific. But it incorporates the neutral third party aspect mentioned above, the quantitative sifting of the evidence, scope for gratification balanced by dominance balanced by safety… In other words, in an imperfect world, this instrument helps individuals under stress come to conclusions that are rational and feel right.
I can honestly say that if it had not been for the life & career coaching by Greg & Julie, I would likely not been able to convert on this opportunity. Although the job opportunity did not come from the traditional networking activity that I was doing, the tools & procedures that I was coached on for the preparation of the resume & cover letter, the initial phone interview and the subsequent 8 face-to-face interviews, I can honestly say that I would not be in this position. I thoroughly enjoyed and will value for the rest of my career the work that I did with the Barrett folks. Thank you everyone!!
John Shaw, October 2019
So, when your leg starts to twitch and you feel it might be time to go, consider our Clarity Program© as a possible solution for making that key decision.
The Barrett Group